..

I’m sitting here looking at the person sitting before me. That is not the person I’ve wanted to become. I want to be more. I don’t want to feel afraid or scared because of my weight. I have let it control my life far too long. But I can’t stop. It’s hard breaking out of your usual thinking. I’m afraid that I will never be good enough for anyone. My thoughts are everywhere and they are crazy. Do I really deserve to get better? Which is b***s***. 

 

everyday I have the chance to change my life. It is just a question whether I am brave enough to break free. because then I won’t have all these excesses as to why I don’t deserve to be happy. It’s crazy thinking and it’s wrong. 

 

Everybody is good enough and I’m the first person who needs to realize that. I can be brace I just need to prove to myself. Because I can do it and I can do everything I’m set out to do. 

 

I feel like I’m all alone. I’m living on my own. My sister is hundreds of miles away and I miss her. And the worse part is that nobody knows. How do you tell somebody that you don’t feel good? That everyday is a struggle but these thoughts appear when I’m alone. But all my friends have that one boyfriend: a person to confide in who finds you beautiful because of imperfections and loves them as well. 

 

It’s hard I feel alone and at time isolated. It’s crazy talk I know. But it’s not rational it’s feelings. 

I just don’t know who to confide in who to let in. 

 

I’m scared of letting people in. I don’t why. I’ve been hurt and left behind and apparently it was just too much for the person I am and the personality I have. I hope I can change everything and make it better. I have to believe that. 

The night is my release

All I want to do

is everything I’m not supposed to do.

I don’t want to talk to people

and pretend everything is okay.

All I want to do

is to listen to music

and relax.

But then the questions will come

why do you stay in your room?

And I’m not ready to answer those questions.

I’m not ready to admit to others

and to say it out loud

I can’t even write it.

It’s all in my head

like everything else.

I keep all of my thoughts and feelings private

because in the end people are only curious.

They don’t care.

So yes all I want to do I cannot do.

Because I’m not ready to answer the questions.

I’m tired of being fake

so my escape is the music.

When I listen to the lyrics and the songs

I can be free

I can be me

and I can think about all the things I’m not ready to say.

So what am I going to do today?

I’m going to be fake, interact and smile.

Because I’m not ready to answer.

So the music will wait until it’s dark

and it’s appropriate for me

to go into my room

and listen to the sad music

I’ve been wanting to listen to all day. Lucy-Hale-Gif-Wants-To-Lay-Down-Listen-To-Sad-Music-All-Day

Which path should I follow?

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I look around and all I see is people knowing where they are going

my path has already been laid out.

But I don’t know if that’s the path for me?

When and how will I figure it out?

I have already stepped on this path and I don’t feel it.

I feel lost, lonely and afraid.

Is this the right path for me?

Or am I just doing it because everyone else is doing it?

I see people.

I see how easy it is for them.

How easy everything looks for them.

And then I think about my daily struggles.

When will I know my path?

However, the biggest question is:

When I find the path will I dare to leave my current path and take a chance?

I hope so.

With everything I am I truly hope that i’ll be ready.

The life cycle of relationships

You fall for a guy

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Than you realize that the honeymoon stage is over…

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You learn it the hard way how much love can hurt

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You wonder about this after the breakup..

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You sit around in your PJ’s all day eating and watching TV. You are also thinking I will never find someone and…

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Girl talk is much need but as Samantha says…

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Your friends get to a point where they have had enough

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That’s when you realize what your problem is

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And when you have realized the problem. The guy usually figures it out and comes crawling back

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But you are stronger than ever and you are able to say

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And you finish off with 

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And then you one moment you realize that you have moved on.

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Because you have such amazing friends

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And because this is a natural lifecycle it will happen again and again

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But remember who you are and don’t get lost

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